I just had a moment of "Why the hell can't I do this?". There is something about the timing of my left hand finger, a miss co-ordination. It works fine in an isolated attempt, but when it's in the middle of the passage, it's as if the nerve doesn't fire. And it's at a place where you can't really fudge it, or you loose the anacrusic energy.
I don't quite remember when the last time was that I goy upset, or mad about not meeting my standard immediately. It used to happen often. Maybe not so much these days because I don't practice as much, and that the sort of music I've been doing often offers other less technically complex options of the same gesture, and maybe because I have earned some insight into the uselessness of the anger in practice. But what I like about it is that I really want to get that passage the way I want it.
It's naturally a longer term process, where the learning is that of a new technique, not of putting things together from known and practiced vocabulary.
I am trying to imitated this passage, this "lick" you might call from a historical recording of a voice master, H. Taherzadeh, but I'm interested in the flute accompaniment, who plays with quickness and freedom of water in a stream. I'm hoping to use this lick in my improv. And then maybe just to show-off. But it's quite beautiful and worth learning.
And how I do my "takyeh" in general is too fuzzy for this bright and quick passage, so have to touch the string and lift at higher speed and hammer slightly heavier on the string, taking care not to overdue, and to have adequate bow speed to create the clear wobble.
Also I thought that I practiced it fairly systematically, breaking it down to the musical and technical units, and practicing each, with effort to be there for the sound and for the sensation. but still I couldn't put it together.
The amazingness of writing about it is that in this process, and in trying to explain it, I have now a fairly good idea what I was doing wrong: something extra. And it has to do with the action after the "tekyeh": I think I hold my finger away from the string. I think that I might have to let it bounce back to neutral after the action is finished. Still confused, but I will continue tomorrow and figure out more.
I should add that I'm planning for end of May to play an informal solo concert. This is the plan:
Part 1:
1 - re-construction of an imporvised solo in the mode Esfahan by Ostad Bahari.
2 - Shur/Abu-ata suite, including a few composed pieces, and improvisation.
Part 2 (ensemble):
1 - An experimental composition of mine, in a more modern approach to Iranian music.
2 - perhaps to segue into a different mode and play another composition of mine...
I might change the order, and do part 2 at the beginning, so to end with the more traditional stuff. For which I need to be more relaxed.
I'm hoping to bring into play some questions that arise during performance:
- Nervousness, judgement, pre-judgement, expectations...
- On what basis are musical decisions made (in improvisation, in a memorized piece, lapses of memory, etc.) say based on ethical considerations? or where the music seems to want to go?
- Listening and finding ways of inviting to listen
- Relationships with other performers in ensemble, eye contact...
- Relationships when solo. what relationships are there? Are you alone? On your own? What audience pulls out of you?
