ASSIGNMENT

ALTERNATIVE OPENINGS:
-The first line of each journal entry has been provided, continue in proper tone and content.


Here comes the ending week of January.

Today is my personal work and rest day. a great peaceful morning.

To resume the work, to come back home, to allow the passage of time be felt, by the touch of the fingers and keyborad.

The left and the right, not the same. My right side is ignorant to it's tension and the left oversensetive, it tenses and releases at a faster rate.

I have recorded a number of tracks of my improv. Upon listening, I wonder if all the effort is worthwhile.

God damn it I'm in love again.

One of these days I might realize that I might need to focus, not yet.

Could not say no to the opportunity for performing Contactmusic. only a few minutes but worth a great deal. I'm so glad I made a move and auditioned for SpeigleTent, and announced the project, it has paid in an unexpected way afte the original effort came to a deadeand. In return I have to find a nice way of refusing the other gig that is longer and perhaps even pays, but unattractive.

I need to focus. This has to be clear.

honeydream

Hi there,

Thanks for the wonderful presence all day today. You see, we sometimes want to remember something and it doesn't work, and also try to forget and we keep remebering. This is like a boy in his teens, would just do the opposite of what is asked.

I play music for what? to forget? or to remeber? to shrink? or to grow? to hide or t glow?
What is the use after all if it is as all other things a struggle internally and source of great discomfort and worry? There is drunkenness, but of different kinds, one drinks to disolve and obstruct, in the process all life is a blurry hazy flight. Another is ever more alert after a shot of Vodka, eyes shining, ears receiving, skin sensing obseving sound and light, and there is little resistance of the wondering mind.

Thanks honeybee sweetheart dreambeloved! tonight please fly more carefully in the snowy air midst the slippery traffic of heavy thought trucks. I write these words not to forget that you don't exist, but to remind me of something.

Ahah, it didn't work. I was right.

Re: Concert

Much too much emotions and thoughts involved to write a normal entry. Let me remind myself that this blog is for my practice purposes and not much more. But this is one of the more daring moves since last year: I left the Chakavak Ensemble that I helped build up. Tonight I went to their second concert (first without me). So you get the idea, these lines are possibly heavily biased.

Musically speaking, the ensemble was very well-rehearsed, and well-balanced and the technique was quite excellent. The tone of the ensemble (with the presence of the lower range instruments, Oud and Bass-Tar as well as violin) was similar to Takht (like Arab sound), and was good.

Also the mood (hal, spirit), the creation, the urge, the thrust was missing, the performers were playing their lines perfectly for most of the time, but in the faces seemed bored, unmoved, unexcited.

One wonders if the amazing vocalist that I know, would have done much better had he been given time to warm up. The little (about 5 minutes) bit of Avaz was quite good, and uses of human voice, and declamation were very good ideas, which didn't get anywhere. That is, they were not followed through organically, and one felt unsatisfied.

There was a rhythmic ("percussive" as written in the program) that was not nearly as cleanly done as the other pieces, and was lacking, thought the percussion players were good. But there were lots of little gestures (say finger cymbals and clave and tambourine) that wasn't quite clear what their musical function was.

In any case, not to forget my reasons for the blog, I was left unmoved by the music, despite the appreciation of the hard work. It was also a good reminder to me what being part of the Chakavak Ensemble was like, (headaches of differnent sort and a great deal of ego clash) and was reassured that I had made a move in the right direction. Glad I made it to the concert!

Disappointment

I had a great deal of fun making fun of my own disappointment at not achieving what I had aimed to achieve in my practicing! I tell you it was the most fun I've had on my own.

with very dramatic tone:
"Oh Disappointment! Oh how I must suffer for my incapabilities? How unworthy of me to suffer! My great soul is struck by poverty! my excitement taken away by repetitive base deeds. The desire to become greater is not granted, and so I must suffer! From the all the lovers I'm the most wretched by far, the loneliest, and the eldest son of my father, why must I suffer???"

Make fun of your own emotions and see how temporary they are! How childish, simple and funny!

"Kiss it well." said my Alexander technique teacher.

First Fiddle Lesson

Ahha,

finally! I can tell I'm going to enjoy Anne's lessons. She reminds me of myself in the sort of diversity that she's interested in and I like her warmth and folky energy, and the earthy exuberance of her home.

But after talking about the teacher, let us say at least a word or two about the experience itself. This is already a quite different approach to the instrument, mainly that of the bow. Bow is not breath here as it is in Singing music it's a mallet! it's the percussion and rhythm. "Shuffle" pattern which is quite simple in fact requires a physicality in the body especially when stumping the feet (heels and not the toes) and accenting the upbeat (off-beat/ syncopation) with the bow. Now the music can be in the body!

It is also quite fun to pick-up tunes and learn by rote. I realize this is really one of the only times I'm learning by ear. Quite fun!!! Thanks Casey for the suggestion.

Diapason Concert

I forgot to "publish" this entry, it's been a hectic week:

60 minutes' worth of praise for my brother Avesta, whose honesty, simplicity, power of thought, emotion and musical knowledge and capability so deserves all.

I was more amazed at the achievement, less musically than conceptually, the guts to follow his dream and the power of it connecting, comming accross, and moving almost everyone. Now I feel I can be honoured to play with his band, and to part-take in subordinate supportive manner. (just kidding a little bit!)

Now it can be my turn to be his little brother and learn from him and follow him around.

To talk about the music is senseless. I can tell you the statistics: length, instrumentation, audience... It was aiming at a sort of organic cyclic pattern of fall and rise, and the "sameness" of the sound changing gradually, but these are also ideas and sound conveys not ideas but sensation and thought that emotions and ideas.

All Wrong

In an effort to find a loud, strong and extravert attitude to the instrument, I knew essentially that the tendency in my usual attitude is to try to make’ more’ sound, and therefore use more energy. It is given that this relationship does exist to some degree, you do need to use more bow and that should require more energy.

But it was obvious (especially in the arpeggio Kreutzer Etude) that my usual approach is not long lasting and in a way unreliable. I could see very clearly the extent to which this extra force was crumpling the body with muscular tension. The movement stops, and so the friction increases, and one runs out. One of course becomes aware only after having stopped: “oh it shouldn’t feel this way!” In other words it doesn’t seem natural.

There is of course a new, more reliable, more real place where this energy could come from. And that place is very hard to describe. It is the same place that enables me to do extraordinary things sometimes, for example to defend myself, or when I get enraged.

I realize today, after seeing the reoccurrence of some of the old miserable relationships with my instrument, that I have been doing something wrong. This is, as you can imagine, sad business. Old pains in the shoulder and neck have come back.

I spent some time worrying, some time remembering my body, and going back to the basics (why have I forgotten? One thinks one surpasses, grows, can move on. No, not of the roots!) of the relationship of the muscular and skeletal systems, and my habitual interference. After quite some time I find a light, natural and forceless relationship. I am amazed at the ease, and alertness of the state, and in a few minutes I realize that it is all gone.

Anyhow, I am convinced of the fact that I can reach the real source of a greater energy that can be put through my instrument. I am convinced because I have had a taste of it here and there, before habit and lack take it away. I also hear it in other people. I have written before about Oistrakh’s playing. I know, and have experienced a few times this past week just that. The freedom of movement and open and released muscles is actually what allows for that inner strength to come up. It is in a way “spiritual” but also very bare to the bones and dry. The awareness of the mechanics is absolute. You are not taken away with the music. You are not dreaming in melancholy and in a feverish haze. The attention is completely alive in flow, completely awake and ready, yet relaxed.

The explanation in words, of this state, might seem like I know how to go there. But I don’t! It requires work and experiment, and dedication here and now.
Also I should add another theory: means are more important important that the ends; the how
more important that the result. Only a theory!

strangely familiar

Today I saw something that was strangely familiar. I realized that the path I've been walking has been the one I did not wish and aim for. It's a matter not of underachievemtn or of failiure, easy to take it as a compliment. Someone said your technique has improved, and I realized that's just it. Not much on the fronts I'd hoped to explore.

I'm not so sure if this suggests following what comes naturally or what is meant to, if onecan say that, rather I wonder if this same path is that of habbit, one which I tend to fall into again and again and again. This time perhaps is a slightly more complete way, taking into account, also my spine.

I realize the value in this realization, better now than in a decade! In any case even this path leads to privilage and beauty of its own way. It is important also to realize that the path of technical/mechanical development is a bit dangerous, for there is the plague of perfectionism.

I realize in a humbing way that I have not used my mind, (of course other than its usual thinking going endlessly), in a way that chalenges it and teaches it, and just like the body its inteligence is refreshing and wonderful.

bye for now.

Sound

Sound as a physical reality, touching
upon ears of our body. The gesture
of musician (shaper
of sound), moving
and molding the air, extending
through voice – and finger-
tip – to release
the vibrations within, shared
through performance (to put in-
to form) in outward space,
for audience to receive and so
be touched.

Gesture of breath and contact
in motion, touch
of wind and finger upon
wood, hair, skin and metal,
gut, ivory and felt,
bodies/objects transformed in their sounding,
as mouth releases, impressing,
the air within
outwards,
and fingers and wrist articulate
from root of spine (and deeper)
the totality of who
we are, that moment resonating
both inward impulse and outward
realizing being
one.

The musician as dancer: one who moves
space, sounding.

-Malcolm Goldstein

ReView

Welcome to 2007. Best wishes! Here is my review. After the review, I hope to follow with a conclusion.
Let me add that in this review a bit of cesorship is needed, so not to mention people's names and very private things in which case I will indicate with [...]. Of course it is very unlikely that any one will read this in its entirety, but I think I should. Here it goes.
P.s. Before starting the review, let me add a line from notes from a file I found in my computer that I had forgotten about:

"After speaking to more people [...] and great help from the Artist’s way exercises, it became clearer that the need for resolution and a final resolution and knowing the right answer and being completely in the awareness is a myth.

این راه را نهایت صورت کجا توان بست؟ کش صد هزار منزل بیش است در بدایت
This is the path of no end, path of discovery of love and music and the experience of creativity and ecstasy of performance. The stage is like a shrine, a beloved.

----
REVIEW:

1- Studies
2- Collaborations and Projects

Studies:

There is of course way too much to learn. Too many people I’d like to study with, and too many courses I’d like to take and too many things. Some of what I wanted to do was as follows. Of course it would have been quite a feat to have achieved all I liked to achieve, realizing that I had to make money as well. So Here is goes:

- Fiddling: This was C’s Suggestion and a great idea to learn to approach the violin from another perspective, to explore a new relationship to the violin.

I had tried getting in touch w/ Anne Lindsey with no success. So the efforts were fruitless until just very recently when I contacted Anne Lederman, another fiddler in town. I’m looking forward to this and I hope I can learn. One of course hopes to have time to practice not to look bad, but that’s not the real reason I’m getting myself into this I hope.

- Classical Violin: Again C was strong in saying that the Classical connection is crucial professionally, that a lot comes from that front. I myself agree that the classical world is not only fascinating in its own way it is so diverse that the study of violin is practically study not of the music stylistically but technically. I’ve been very interested in the mechanical/technical relationship to the instrument.

This has been followed through consistently, at least as far as going to the lessons are involved. I believe I have discovered some new things, relationships and faced old weaknesses. I appreciate that Mark treats me not like a child, and that I can have a say. I often don’t take advantage of opportunities for expressing my opinion. Let us wish for a more consistent and real work on the music. He demands it, that makes a difference.

- Sankaran and South Indian Music: A great master is in town and I like the music. Why not continue with it?

I spoke with professor Sankaran early in September and decided on a bi-weekly lesson, possibly with Avesta. [..., ...] Nevertheless I got to perform with Trichy Sankaran, the mighty musicians’ musician. What follows, is questionable in a way. I’d like to continue, I don’t want to give up and keep changing my decisions, but I’d like to transfer the rhythmic ideas into the melodic instrument, and I know Sankaran is one of they poeple who could help with that. He might even appreciate it more. But I don’t want to give up the Kanjira. I suppose I should speak to him when he's back from India in March.

- Voice and Katherin Duncanson: Again another of C’s suggestions [Hmmm this says something about me, no?]. I had done a singing gig, that’s all. But I’ve wanted to play and sing with my violin in the past. Voice is one of the fundamentals of music. I had actually spoken to her at Peter Chin’s party. I knew she had interdisciplinary things going.

This was good for a bit, but largely due to my collisions with Shirin the process suffered from irregularity. But this wasn’t the only part. Katherine’s practice (ie. What she teaches one on one, is focused mainly and only on mechanics and production, which is very valuable for me, but I didn’t have a musical context for using my voice, so this again seemed purposeless and withered. I know I like to sing. I need to join a choir or start singing some Persian Music.

- Piano: This has been my weak link, I wonder how I will get over it. The piano is a great instrument for the loner. I have always wanted to play the music whole, not just the violin part, I want to learn mote about harmony, about the world that is foreign to me. I also love the piano.

Piano was another of the efforts that withered, partly due to the overwhelming amount of work I created for myself. I actually quite enjoyed the piano, and the attention needed for sight reading. I would have like to play some Beatles and some Philip Glass. But it all withered. Perhaps, partly because of L’s niceness, perhaps too nice, ( do you now see what it is to be just a bit too nice, not to follow through, not to engage with the whole? This attitude reminds me much of myself.) So I have to see, and consider the options: going back to L, starting w/ someone else, doing it on my own.

- Baroque Dance: The beauty of this music and the relationship of the music to dance, a great world to discover.

The summer course was not continued, because of the matters of schedule. I have said that I will sign up for this term.

- Modern Dance: This was Shirin’s suggestion. I was one day very jealous of this friend of ours who was dancing and she said to me: “well go ahead and do it.” (twice a week).

This was a much greater fun and challenge than I had imagined. A world, so interesting and so humbling, that I really really needed it and still do. True, the classes are amazingly important, but the work one does on one’s own, the figuring out of things, the calculation, the associating of the sides, and limbs and then doing it fully or sometimes just trusting the physical intelligence is what really matters: Real needed education for the body. I cannot do a full commitment this term since my schedule has changed. Once a week should still be good, provided that I do go to the contact jams regularly and revisit the ideas, combinations, etc.

- Alexander Technique: This world was to be continued after I discovered it, I’ve known this.

Our bi-weekly pattern seems to work, I’m happy, progress is slow, but if any, I know it’s real. I might consider taking it a step further in the future and study for my teachers’ license.

- Contact Dance: This was not to be forgotten. This is a great practice of dancing improvising, socializing, grounding... Also a place where my three dance performances have been based in.

My involvement with the jam changed after my relationship with Shirin changed. This past few weeks I have started going back and re-discovered the wonder of this world. Keep going, and perhaps get involved in it in a new way, a project.

- Lessons w/ Brian Katz: I had greatly benefited from Brian’s lessons in so so many ways. I wanted to go back. No only for composition, but for a practice of real musicianship. He is a man of great diversity and his practice is well connected to movement.

I don’t know if I want to go back to him again, or not. I really appreciate his musical practice his teaching of the very very basics. I know he looks up on you and then he doesn’t, and that’s a bit weird. But he’s always encouraged me. I should go back to him as a mentor, and show him some of what I’ve been doing. But when and what and how? I think it’s best to speak to him.

- Irene Markov: I had wanted to learn more about the great musical traditions of East Europe and Turkey, especially in singing, and as well on the instrument.

Not now I know, because Shirin is involved there and I don’t want to get in her way. But speaking with her once shouldn’t hurt. Also these are readily available for research. For listening, picking up, appropriating, using. Why don’t I do it?

- George Sawa: Arabic music has also been my passion and I wanted to know more about this world.
I was just overwhelmed with work, so our original correspondence was left unfinished. I must just see what I want and what not. I should choose my courses.

Projects:

Of course I didn’t have that many things set, my plan was to leave town after all, but I was hoping to do the following:

- Collaborate with Tracey Norman (music for Modern dance)
- Start a world music band. A sort of fusion band with some of my own music.
- Composing music for myself.
- Dancing



What I’ve done Since September:

1- “Caligula” Collaborative Improvised Music for theatre.

2- Remounting of “pooed-out: a fooDance improviseDigestion” for reView at York University (Interdiscpilinary – Dance,Theatre,Video,Voice)

3- MurMurMur (Guest violinist for TreMur) one night, one piece of music by singer/songwriter Ariel Brink

4- Music for Contact jam Musician of the month of October.

5- Gig with Vanessa and Andrew Haust: open improv

6- Music for Roger Greenwald (music for poetry)

7- Recording for Babak Divani (kamanche)

8- Performing with Trichy Sankaran for Barak Ben Nathan’s memorial.

8- Concert with Regina’s crew

9- Contact dancing for IsoSpin with Alex Perlman

10- humble appearances at the improve soiree


PROJECTS ON THE GO:

- Working towards a solo recording album for Vanessa’s record label (aiming to finish in the summer) My own compositions and improv…

- Performing with Vanessa (duo performances) open and structured improv

- Collaboration with Tracey Norman (composition for dance performance) /March/April/May

- Another Persian music ensemble (performing next September)

- Recording with Riq for Lily’s Dance piece (End of January)

SECRET PROJECTS ON MY MIND:

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