Teacher-Guru-Master

Last week I spoke to Mike about the study of music.

Now that after a few years I have submitted to taking lessons again regularly, I feel so different about having a master. Mike's idea was that studying on his own can be as useful and even more productive than taking lessons.

There one danger in submition to a teacher: it will make me practice of course, but it's possible I practice for the wrong reasons, especially if the teacher guilts you into the work, then you are practicing to avoid shame, to make the teacher happy, not for the great aims that I started my work.

Working on your own, if done well, gives you a good sense of your strengths, but leaves you blank on your weaknesses, of course the experience of performance, of learning from coleagues, etc. is there, but in my experience, I avoided what I knew I lacked... But on the other hand, it gives you autonomy; "I'm doing this not for anyone else, not for the course, not for the teacher, not for my parents ..."

In my last lesson, I saw things that I was completely oblivious to. Having worked on my own, helps me take the cues, then we're both teaching me, and an experiecned outside eye is surely an advantage. [There were some much easier ways to getting to the notes up on the fingerboard, less force, straight and clean ways. This is a lot of fun in fact. The engenreering part of violin playing.]

Grapelli

I have yet to practice, it is late and it is the last day... I have nothing extra-ordinary to say... There is a recording of Grapelli and Menuhin of Gershwin's Summer Time. Exquisite!! Grapelli has breath (prana as Indians would say!) in his playing, Menuhin has this edge, attractive in a way despite, or maybe because of, the slight out-of-tune-ness, but not as natural sounding as Grapelli, improv world is just something else... just something else, right out of you, right out of the moment.

There is one video of Oistrakh playing Shostakovitch violin concerto kadenza, this is something pre-composed and pre-practiced, but he plays it with such understanding and spontanaity that it seems improvised.

Was i not lucky to run into the world of improvisation?
Could I play my pre-practiced music with the spontanaity of improv, moment by moment, feeling the need for the next phrase, note, freely?

Jaime Weisenblum was thins kind of a guy, he told me to practice with all kinds of bowing, so you can choose on the spot whichever feels right. well, then I knew little about bowing, so I didn't practice bowing, I just never made decisions or learnt any bowing.

Practice

These days I've practiced violin more...

Last saturday I was at York U practicing. Running into Brian Katz was a very intriguing accident. I had an interesting experience playing etudes, shifting, and intonation (Kreutzer shifting and arpeggio etudes). I had a glimpse of the machine that plays the violin, the whole of the machine seemed to be involved in the creation of the sound; the eyes reading, observing the left and right arms working simultaneusly and in exact co-ordination, the feed-back loop between the ear and adjusting fingertips, seemed uninterrupted by inner chattering of thoughts. I was calm and less than usual muscular tensions... freedom and clean clear voice.

I was quite happy, I thought I can play and that I've seen something worthwhile, and could play music. In this case creativity and individuality were less important, not the artist that uses the hights of his innate talent and imagination, but more like a fleshy complex machine working smoothely, elegantly, and melodiously, a part fitting in the function set out for it.

I had often ignored this aspect of playing, it is fun to see that things are possible.

Trichy sankaran

How will I ever prove this?
No pictures, no video, no recording...

I performed with Prof. Trichy Sankaran tonight... Some people did not realise that I was scared and that I made a mistake (1 mistake and 2 little mistakes with recovery,... in that grid where everything locks onto and into each other, slow and fast mixed, double speed, ohh my god where is the dounbeat?...)

Avesta was keeping tala, the keeper of time, the bringer of the sense of 'ensemble'...

but I can't e-prove it.

matters of the heart

several reasons to keep these out of hear, mostly to avoid the work I need to do...

Just so you know, I felt unusually awkward last night at the Independent show at York. Not at the show, actually, it was quite good. Holly Small's choreographies were both interesting. The lovely duo was light and lively, sweet with a sense of tender. The last piece was most interesting for the music and the videography,...

anyhow, meeting my once-beloved, now formal, no more my anyone, and the short encounters with her mom, with long held pauses..., another figure and curiousity that can drill through the brain.

... no more my anyone, merely a dancer whirling with a surrender like no-one else, so unlike the last weeks we spent together.

Just so you know, the matters of heart are not to be over-stretched, just becasue they are flexible, they can cover all things to the extent that they loose thier elasticity and you are found betrayed by your own emotions.

now quit the drama, wake up, and clear the chest of stail thoughtletts.

ahhaah

smile,

good boy

Like a well-lubricated Machine

My violin lesson today was long and draining, however the result of my practice was obvious first of all in my attitude to the instrument. the result was for Mark to evaluate, but I knew the process so it is mine to evaluate (in fairness and aiming for objectivity):

- I have practiced on a fairly consistent basis.

- What I have worked on I have worked with genuine interest.

- I have found glimpses of new approaches to the instrument (freedom of the jazz player, of Grapelli and sweetness of the tone and precision of intonation for the emotional content of it, freedom of right arm, ...)

- I've almost avoided my weak areas. I have started with deconstructing and analysing, learning the in and out of some of the material, and then as my intentions faded, by the end of the two weeks, I have only practiced what I had learnt already, avoided the deconstruction and reconstruction (engineer's / craftsman's work) on the left over material.)

+ + +
During this two week period I'll be focusing on the following:

INTONATION < - ->SHIFTING

VARIETY IN DYNAMICS:
- what is my dynamic range?
- what colours of tone are they related to on my instrument?
- which articulations use dynamics as their main aspect? (cres. decres. > sfz fp <> , etc)

Should be fun...

Imperfections

when does learning take place?

I talked to a TTC person today (that is Toronto Transit Commission). I was waiting for the subway, one across the station just left and for whatever reason there were numerous sparks on the rail... I asked if this was normal, he didn't know. He was a bus driver. I asked if he had worked on the subway. He said he did for some time, but "you have to kill people". apparently 300 people a year die from throwing themselves on the tracks. that's almost 1 every day. he had experienced it himself. He said in NewYork in rush hour, they don't even stop the trains, after an accident, so the dead person gets smashed by the trains over and over and over (about one train every 3 minutes or so).

***

I'm making some accomplishments in practicing violin. Certain power can be achieved from a sense of embodiment and confidence, and freedom in the joints, much like Oistrakh. the right arm is loose and powerfull. The impulse to make the note comes not from the left but from the right arm, from the moving part, not from the thinking centre.

Intonation comes from emotion centre.

so what does the thinking centre do?

something to consider next time i practice. I'm often extremely busy in the thoughts... organization, evaluation, analysis, but most importantly concerns such as "will Rubin hear me? will he like my intonation? Am I too loud? Do I look wierd? Can I check my email on these computers?" and conflicts such as " maybe you should stop. really? yeah... let me play again? Oh well forget about it... but I'm tensing up. oooh that was out of tune... again ooooh again..."

That's why I like to lie on my back for a bit after a little bit of practicing... and start again... to see the the effect of the tension in my body. The I can laugh at myself lightly and perhaps continue.

I wonder, in this hudge-pudge when does learning take place?

Alexander technique

There was this amazing looking baby at the contact jam. She was amazingly little and had a huge head and a small body, and big eyes with long eyelashes. The thing that was so amazing about this baby was how she held her head (I assume quite heavy) with an extra-ordinary upward direction. An unbelievable example of poise and balance. Alexander talks about babies and animals for the freedom of the neck and the head and the 'natural sense of up'.

I wished I was so free like the baby. I talked about it in my Alexander lesson. Verna, my teacher, was making fun of my 'trying', 'Trying not to interfere', and 'trying not to try'. One wishes to set the neck free, and so pushed it around instead of 'leaving it alone':

Allow the neck to be free, so to allow the head to release, so to allow the back to open!

Control is the key. She talked about babies as not trying to control, moving limbs, yelling, burping, peeing, no interference with the body's natural patterns. That was important. I don't want to be a baby of course, I can't pee in bed or throw up on the computer, I have a certain control on some of the functions, but there are some things where my uneducated control is plainly arrogant. My body intelligence knows best. Now one has to learn to see the unnecessary tensions and the habitual interference and that's not easy... Control has to be exerted in a different way.

Accompaniment

Prof. Sankaran's concert

Do I know anything about music? whydo I try so hard and why do I get stuck trying only? Enjoying of the music, and thinking about making sense of things, and the concert has gone by. Only moments, one or two moments I heard sounds and only listened to them. But more is going on, communication and a lot more on the social level. and why is it easiest to see and judge the social gestures? Oh he is probably so scared. I worry for this guy who looks less confident ... and so on.

Vanessa:

I rehearsed with Vanessa for our show in two weeks. This is going to be a completely (or almost completely anyway) improvised. We are going to try to structure it somehow. I'd like to go on stage with at least some intention for the space and time of the show. We played some good, interesting stuff. I'm worried about over-rehearsing. I don't know what use our vocabulary is going to be, but we came up with a few moods, relationships, sounds, etc.

I feel good about what I can do. I think I have quite a range of musical spaces. They are like little rooms, hallways, and some dead-end places. Anyhow there are a few and sometimes I stumble over a few of them.

I should find some neat haikus for our show, I love to play for poetry also.
I love accompanying in general. Support and sometimes push and pull pretty drastically, but rather understated. I tried to listen to prof Sankaran's playing as accompaniment. He clearly Knows, that's why he can be so supportive, that's how he can bring so much breath into his playing. I think that's one of the major differences between him and the other drummers, he has breath "prana".