Let me write this down, bofore I leave and jump on the bus to Roncessvales for my fiddling lesson.
I haven't practiced! again! I need to look again, and see what I'm doing. What I wanted to do and where I'm going now. I loose sight of my grand dreams and ideas.
what about you? how do you keep the dreams alive, how do you remember?
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
NOROUZ The Persian New Year
And here we are again, the same place we were last year, and the year before that, and all the memorable newyear moments of childhood, at same exact point in space, in the endless space (in relation to our Sun) the point of Equinox.
The New year comes and in our little humble ceremony, we are together. It is strange in that in the regular day to day life it affects you little, not little reminders for the first month or so when you catch yourself writing 85, and it's actually 86 now. It is still 2007, still March, when I make a mistake and forget the date, Fe.. ooops March, it has little significance. There is little foreplay, so the excitement of the new year is built up only for the hour or so that you have come home from work, and the tick-tock before the moment is not as exciting as the childhood moments, mysterious, unbelievable and almost impossible to imagine.
Well of course time passes all along, and its passage is always mysterious and cosmic. it passes as I speak and as you read, and as these words appear on the screen and the fingers type. And every morning at the precise moment, the sun rises, and the wheels turn. To all of this we are oblivious. Not that we must be or we can, but if there is a good enough excuse, a random point in the earth's path that every time, we can aim to listen to the sound of the universe and to look back and to look forth and to stay right here hopefully to see it happen. The New Moment Come and the Next new momet and the one right now, and so on...
True! The weather is still cold and the snow is still on the ground, and tomorrow i have to go to my three jobs, sell music, teach music, and play music. It feels little like a New Year, and there is a redundance to all of this, it makes little sense here There are no spectators for the grand show of nature, the passing from the designated point in endless space and that every time, Every time so far for as long as the earth has turned around the sun, it has done without a doubt, the master craftsmans stroke has little reverberation in the empty stadium.
Well of course this is within is it not? I can celebrate this tomorrow, can't I? I can celebrate this now can't I? It is good to be together and to see my family and self healthy and happy.
Happy Spring,
Happy Norouz,
The New year comes and in our little humble ceremony, we are together. It is strange in that in the regular day to day life it affects you little, not little reminders for the first month or so when you catch yourself writing 85, and it's actually 86 now. It is still 2007, still March, when I make a mistake and forget the date, Fe.. ooops March, it has little significance. There is little foreplay, so the excitement of the new year is built up only for the hour or so that you have come home from work, and the tick-tock before the moment is not as exciting as the childhood moments, mysterious, unbelievable and almost impossible to imagine.
Well of course time passes all along, and its passage is always mysterious and cosmic. it passes as I speak and as you read, and as these words appear on the screen and the fingers type. And every morning at the precise moment, the sun rises, and the wheels turn. To all of this we are oblivious. Not that we must be or we can, but if there is a good enough excuse, a random point in the earth's path that every time, we can aim to listen to the sound of the universe and to look back and to look forth and to stay right here hopefully to see it happen. The New Moment Come and the Next new momet and the one right now, and so on...
True! The weather is still cold and the snow is still on the ground, and tomorrow i have to go to my three jobs, sell music, teach music, and play music. It feels little like a New Year, and there is a redundance to all of this, it makes little sense here There are no spectators for the grand show of nature, the passing from the designated point in endless space and that every time, Every time so far for as long as the earth has turned around the sun, it has done without a doubt, the master craftsmans stroke has little reverberation in the empty stadium.
Well of course this is within is it not? I can celebrate this tomorrow, can't I? I can celebrate this now can't I? It is good to be together and to see my family and self healthy and happy.
Happy Spring,
Happy Norouz,
Sunday, March 18, 2007
The Day I realized I'm not Mozart
have I talked about this before here?
In my teens I used to have secret dreams of being, and becoming great, extraordinary, and a genius, a freak of nature. Not when I was 5 or 6 or 8. But since music became important so did the wanting to be great... I was always good, I was a good kid.
A few years back, in university, I realized that I'd been dreaming this way. I think I was in 2nd year, and I saw that I wasn't the best and that some other kids had naturally (and had gained through earlier training and more interest even) what I had to work hard to learn. I had friends who were much more 'talented', and those who were 'less'. I realized that I was in my twenties and had not written my symphonies and my masterpieces where incomplete. I had to ask myself the hard question: 'why are you doing what you are doing?'.
Last Thursday after a lovely conversation with a lovely friend, I remembered my dream. I know in a way that these were imaginations, and that I was touched and mesmerized by something I knew very little about, and that I wanted to be different and important. It saddens you a bit, but you realize that much of what you are the circumstances, your history. I personally know a couple of people who if were in certain circumstances, would have been great musicians. So I need to accept where I am, without blaming things. After the conversation, know I can be a link, a catalyst, a mediator for greatness to appear. And that this is very very valuable indeed.
Also I have a greater goal: to live life with my whole being, as fully as possible, to see as much that I can see, and hear as much as I can hear and to feel the emotions that I feel and really taste the food that I eat, and if this is not realized/recognized in greatness, it can be a link, a catalyst and maybe I can witness life.
I've come to realize music is less about creating anything and more about listening, hearing, receiving sounds.
In my teens I used to have secret dreams of being, and becoming great, extraordinary, and a genius, a freak of nature. Not when I was 5 or 6 or 8. But since music became important so did the wanting to be great... I was always good, I was a good kid.
A few years back, in university, I realized that I'd been dreaming this way. I think I was in 2nd year, and I saw that I wasn't the best and that some other kids had naturally (and had gained through earlier training and more interest even) what I had to work hard to learn. I had friends who were much more 'talented', and those who were 'less'. I realized that I was in my twenties and had not written my symphonies and my masterpieces where incomplete. I had to ask myself the hard question: 'why are you doing what you are doing?'.
Last Thursday after a lovely conversation with a lovely friend, I remembered my dream. I know in a way that these were imaginations, and that I was touched and mesmerized by something I knew very little about, and that I wanted to be different and important. It saddens you a bit, but you realize that much of what you are the circumstances, your history. I personally know a couple of people who if were in certain circumstances, would have been great musicians. So I need to accept where I am, without blaming things. After the conversation, know I can be a link, a catalyst, a mediator for greatness to appear. And that this is very very valuable indeed.
Also I have a greater goal: to live life with my whole being, as fully as possible, to see as much that I can see, and hear as much as I can hear and to feel the emotions that I feel and really taste the food that I eat, and if this is not realized/recognized in greatness, it can be a link, a catalyst and maybe I can witness life.
I've come to realize music is less about creating anything and more about listening, hearing, receiving sounds.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Fiddling; Craft
Finally I'm starting to get the swing feeling. I still don't know really but when it feels like you're on fire that's probably something close. too tired to write much about it, and I have little to say about it except some self congratuation on the point.
I was speaking with a friend about Persian music last night. He's well trained in the music and a respectable man, a few years my elder but young nevertheless. Despite our mutual liking of criticism (I bet most people are just like this.) we talked about very intersting phenomena of music. I have an interest (perhaps an intelectual quest) into finding out what the difference is between something that moves you and something that you can hear is "good" but does not move, doesn't get into your heart. I of course have my theories some more recent than others. He argued that this is an interesting and usefull interest and approach but not the way to learn the subtlties. You cannot force the mysterious elements in, they will come if they see fit.
I'm also interested in being a craftsman. I had a violin teacher (Lance Elbeck) who would often remark how he was interested by the craftsman's way of 'filling a hole in the wall', how he starts from somewhere and ends up in a place where you cannot tell there ever was a hole. Lance looked at preparing a passage or fixing a problem in the music as just that. I've also been interested in the violin maker's craft and the calligrapher. All movements functions of time, and effort, movements in time, actions (and non action) in the particular sequence. Some things you do something you let the object (or nature) take care of. You let the plaster expand, you stop for enough time. You let the glue dry let the meat marrinate. And all the while a sacred sort of patience and calmness.
I was speaking with a friend about Persian music last night. He's well trained in the music and a respectable man, a few years my elder but young nevertheless. Despite our mutual liking of criticism (I bet most people are just like this.) we talked about very intersting phenomena of music. I have an interest (perhaps an intelectual quest) into finding out what the difference is between something that moves you and something that you can hear is "good" but does not move, doesn't get into your heart. I of course have my theories some more recent than others. He argued that this is an interesting and usefull interest and approach but not the way to learn the subtlties. You cannot force the mysterious elements in, they will come if they see fit.
I'm also interested in being a craftsman. I had a violin teacher (Lance Elbeck) who would often remark how he was interested by the craftsman's way of 'filling a hole in the wall', how he starts from somewhere and ends up in a place where you cannot tell there ever was a hole. Lance looked at preparing a passage or fixing a problem in the music as just that. I've also been interested in the violin maker's craft and the calligrapher. All movements functions of time, and effort, movements in time, actions (and non action) in the particular sequence. Some things you do something you let the object (or nature) take care of. You let the plaster expand, you stop for enough time. You let the glue dry let the meat marrinate. And all the while a sacred sort of patience and calmness.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Theatre?!
Theatre is just the latest exciting thing.
I was involved with a demonstration of contact dance for some theatre students. In fact I mostly (only) played the violin, accompanying them. This was organized by Pam Johnson one of the active contact dancers who makes a living from performing and teaching contact. I did not know that contact dancing is used as a theatrical tool in scene study especially in physical theatre. I can't say what it means because I barely know myself. What I do know is that I was much impressed by their freedom in movement and friendship with gravity and their extremely physical extroversion.
I went and saw a show today and I wasn't as impressed. But I like the possibilities of the art form and the thought that what an amazing training a theatre student might get! Literary training, movement anesthetic training, voice, projection, spatial awareness, personality study, etc. It sounds like an essential ingredient (co-requisite?) for life and presence, add to that math and abstract thinking and you've got it. I've realized that I'm asleep most of the time. I want my ears to awaken and my eyes and my hands and my mouth and my body and breath. I like to be more alert and awake. I'm not sure that the theatrical training is the right answer and that I will pursue, but it's just intriguing.
I was involved with a demonstration of contact dance for some theatre students. In fact I mostly (only) played the violin, accompanying them. This was organized by Pam Johnson one of the active contact dancers who makes a living from performing and teaching contact. I did not know that contact dancing is used as a theatrical tool in scene study especially in physical theatre. I can't say what it means because I barely know myself. What I do know is that I was much impressed by their freedom in movement and friendship with gravity and their extremely physical extroversion.
I went and saw a show today and I wasn't as impressed. But I like the possibilities of the art form and the thought that what an amazing training a theatre student might get! Literary training, movement anesthetic training, voice, projection, spatial awareness, personality study, etc. It sounds like an essential ingredient (co-requisite?) for life and presence, add to that math and abstract thinking and you've got it. I've realized that I'm asleep most of the time. I want my ears to awaken and my eyes and my hands and my mouth and my body and breath. I like to be more alert and awake. I'm not sure that the theatrical training is the right answer and that I will pursue, but it's just intriguing.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Alexander Technique
I can observe a decline in my interest to write on this blog. I do hope some people come here sometimes.
Today I have made a decision to pursue the Alexander technique in a real and deep way. Perhaps to become a practitioner and teacher. You see we are limited by our habits, our life is dicated in a way by our habitual patterns of action (both in movement and in emotion and thinking). The Alexander technique provides one way to bypass our habitual patterns at least as related to the physical body. You see the idea is that there is a system in our bodies that is designed to control our movements. What we often do (as I understand through misuse of our consious control over our body) is to try with our mental brain to do what this system (that Alexander calls Primary Control, and I suspect is the same thing as kinesthetic inteligence or sense, that is refered to by Dalcroze simply as 'knowing where our limbs are') is designed to do and surely knows better.
Alexander found out that the only way he could change his old habits of movement was to not do them, he had the power to give up his will to "do", which is what he calls inhibition. This momentary stop allowed the Primary control to kick in. This is only my understading of it, and to some extent my own experience.
I know lessons are expensive, but take one some time.
Today I have made a decision to pursue the Alexander technique in a real and deep way. Perhaps to become a practitioner and teacher. You see we are limited by our habits, our life is dicated in a way by our habitual patterns of action (both in movement and in emotion and thinking). The Alexander technique provides one way to bypass our habitual patterns at least as related to the physical body. You see the idea is that there is a system in our bodies that is designed to control our movements. What we often do (as I understand through misuse of our consious control over our body) is to try with our mental brain to do what this system (that Alexander calls Primary Control, and I suspect is the same thing as kinesthetic inteligence or sense, that is refered to by Dalcroze simply as 'knowing where our limbs are') is designed to do and surely knows better.
Alexander found out that the only way he could change his old habits of movement was to not do them, he had the power to give up his will to "do", which is what he calls inhibition. This momentary stop allowed the Primary control to kick in. This is only my understading of it, and to some extent my own experience.
I know lessons are expensive, but take one some time.
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