The Day I realized I'm not Mozart

have I talked about this before here?

In my teens I used to have secret dreams of being, and becoming great, extraordinary, and a genius, a freak of nature. Not when I was 5 or 6 or 8. But since music became important so did the wanting to be great... I was always good, I was a good kid.

A few years back, in university, I realized that I'd been dreaming this way. I think I was in 2nd year, and I saw that I wasn't the best and that some other kids had naturally (and had gained through earlier training and more interest even) what I had to work hard to learn. I had friends who were much more 'talented', and those who were 'less'. I realized that I was in my twenties and had not written my symphonies and my masterpieces where incomplete. I had to ask myself the hard question: 'why are you doing what you are doing?'.

Last Thursday after a lovely conversation with a lovely friend, I remembered my dream. I know in a way that these were imaginations, and that I was touched and mesmerized by something I knew very little about, and that I wanted to be different and important. It saddens you a bit, but you realize that much of what you are the circumstances, your history. I personally know a couple of people who if were in certain circumstances, would have been great musicians. So I need to accept where I am, without blaming things. After the conversation, know I can be a link, a catalyst, a mediator for greatness to appear. And that this is very very valuable indeed.

Also I have a greater goal: to live life with my whole being, as fully as possible, to see as much that I can see, and hear as much as I can hear and to feel the emotions that I feel and really taste the food that I eat, and if this is not realized/recognized in greatness, it can be a link, a catalyst and maybe I can witness life.

I've come to realize music is less about creating anything and more about listening, hearing, receiving sounds.