Breakthroughs and Sidewalks

I've been meaning to write for a while on a few occasions, but my home life has been real messy. So at home I don't get anything done, except wasting time in various ways.

1) I'm amazed at the possibility of learning at this age. Not that I'm old, but I'd assumed that I wasn't going to improve in my music (at least technique) after my 20s. I thought that I would mature in understanding, in depth, things like that; but not technique. I even recall a comment from a past teacher in a violin lesson that you will never play like in your 20s.

Now, in my mid-thirties, I'm finding that new breakthroughs are changing my playing. I'm surprised by the ease and clarity of tone and relative accuracy. Of course I hadn't been in-practice with violin for the past few years, at least not directly. So, yes! practicing helps! But I don't recall playing this comfortably years when I kept a more regular and rigorous practice.

This is in part thanks to a new friend, Bijan Sepanji, who gave a workshop to my students and through it unlocked something. I will get into the details later, but I should also thank my own work through teaching, and the giving up fixed ideas.

I struggled with poise and technique through the early years, not knowing what horrible things I was doing to myself. Through the explorations Alexander Technique helped quite a bit, and I was much influenced by Menuhin's methods. Eventually I gave up the shoulder rest, and rebuilt my technique based on a left hand that must support the violin. Mainly focused on the left hand, and it helped... But for the last few years, throughout my AT training, I've had a right side problem plagued by constant tension in the arm, hip, and sometimes twitches in the hip... Playing violin didn't really help, and despite my struggles to think through it, direct through it and all, just didn't get better, and violin made things more and more unhappy.

It's not easy admitting to oneself (and others) that I'd been wrong, but the beautiful ideas of before, were impractical and somewhat limiting. My problem hadn't been about the primary control, not about the head-neck-back relationship, but more related to the use of the bow and the sound production, dropping the weight of the arm,  a wording and thinking that was very strongly discouraged, and if I may say banned in our AT course! This is giving me so much more real musical ease also, and yes, AT and knowing the body helps immensely, but it's more natural.

Also having an aim helps greatly, a gig to prepare for, with responsibility, playing with a group that you like helps greatly. It all helps. And I'm amazed that I can still have breakthroughs.

2) It was my Birthday last week. Unceremoniously, I turned 34. "A bit older" my body tells me: growing the beginnings of a belly, losing some hair,... You know!, but still playfully jumping fire hydrants on the sidewalk and walking that narrow raised garden curb, still singing/conducting like a madman as my teens, and welcoming barriers and unpaved, un-pathy paths. Also, still a mess at home, and still solo.

At this point on this walk, I'm finding new endeavours too. Unexpectedly singing has entered through the back door! What a joy! and Taiji and Yoga, and all kinds of leadership, and organizational duties (great challenges), and then of course music is still there. Oh, and teaching!

Another interesting thing about this 34 is that now, at this spot on the road, I've spent 17 in Canada, and 17 in Iran. Exactly half-half! Not that bad a place to be, this sidewalk!