Today's Work

I started today a lazy day, tossing and turning in bed till noon, facebook-ing on my phone, then satisfying myself with other imaginations; she whom I think I like, and she who called me ‘cutie’… And that’s enough to get me going.

I guess that the real work begins now, when I’m back, from a week of meditation. There I was locked in a system, held up, braced by the day’s order, the wake-up, the breakfast team, meditation, and working in teams being told what needs doing.

All this time, trees swaying in the woods - the embodiment of perspective, and the elders who’s slower, determined movements, and whose wholly manifested intonation inspired and reminded me of the fragility of my own youth. 

There was an air of forgiveness, my laziness could be taken as efforts, if I was late, no one scrutinized… We were all in the same boat I guess. 

Here, stakes are much higher, my job, my future, my reputation, my liveliness, my life really… And here, I don’t give a damn. 

Where is that whole-hearted gratitude? where is the awe? Where the child whose rebellious moods I tolerated simply, whom I was told i might want to look up to?

It’s like being taken to a sacred place by some mistake for a while, and then finding the fraud, being sent back… I don’t know if i want to go back, but I see that if it seemed hard and strange to be there, and how I wanted to get out, it was actually easier to be. 

Funny how even now, when emotions touch me again, I still prefer to swim in their waves and not get to the emails I have to sent, and the schedules I have to fix and the preparation needed for tomorrow’s class. 

No one asks “Shall I ring the bell?”.