Re: Concert

Much too much emotions and thoughts involved to write a normal entry. Let me remind myself that this blog is for my practice purposes and not much more. But this is one of the more daring moves since last year: I left the Chakavak Ensemble that I helped build up. Tonight I went to their second concert (first without me). So you get the idea, these lines are possibly heavily biased.

Musically speaking, the ensemble was very well-rehearsed, and well-balanced and the technique was quite excellent. The tone of the ensemble (with the presence of the lower range instruments, Oud and Bass-Tar as well as violin) was similar to Takht (like Arab sound), and was good.

Also the mood (hal, spirit), the creation, the urge, the thrust was missing, the performers were playing their lines perfectly for most of the time, but in the faces seemed bored, unmoved, unexcited.

One wonders if the amazing vocalist that I know, would have done much better had he been given time to warm up. The little (about 5 minutes) bit of Avaz was quite good, and uses of human voice, and declamation were very good ideas, which didn't get anywhere. That is, they were not followed through organically, and one felt unsatisfied.

There was a rhythmic ("percussive" as written in the program) that was not nearly as cleanly done as the other pieces, and was lacking, thought the percussion players were good. But there were lots of little gestures (say finger cymbals and clave and tambourine) that wasn't quite clear what their musical function was.

In any case, not to forget my reasons for the blog, I was left unmoved by the music, despite the appreciation of the hard work. It was also a good reminder to me what being part of the Chakavak Ensemble was like, (headaches of differnent sort and a great deal of ego clash) and was reassured that I had made a move in the right direction. Glad I made it to the concert!

Disappointment

I had a great deal of fun making fun of my own disappointment at not achieving what I had aimed to achieve in my practicing! I tell you it was the most fun I've had on my own.

with very dramatic tone:
"Oh Disappointment! Oh how I must suffer for my incapabilities? How unworthy of me to suffer! My great soul is struck by poverty! my excitement taken away by repetitive base deeds. The desire to become greater is not granted, and so I must suffer! From the all the lovers I'm the most wretched by far, the loneliest, and the eldest son of my father, why must I suffer???"

Make fun of your own emotions and see how temporary they are! How childish, simple and funny!

"Kiss it well." said my Alexander technique teacher.

First Fiddle Lesson

Ahha,

finally! I can tell I'm going to enjoy Anne's lessons. She reminds me of myself in the sort of diversity that she's interested in and I like her warmth and folky energy, and the earthy exuberance of her home.

But after talking about the teacher, let us say at least a word or two about the experience itself. This is already a quite different approach to the instrument, mainly that of the bow. Bow is not breath here as it is in Singing music it's a mallet! it's the percussion and rhythm. "Shuffle" pattern which is quite simple in fact requires a physicality in the body especially when stumping the feet (heels and not the toes) and accenting the upbeat (off-beat/ syncopation) with the bow. Now the music can be in the body!

It is also quite fun to pick-up tunes and learn by rote. I realize this is really one of the only times I'm learning by ear. Quite fun!!! Thanks Casey for the suggestion.

Diapason Concert

I forgot to "publish" this entry, it's been a hectic week:

60 minutes' worth of praise for my brother Avesta, whose honesty, simplicity, power of thought, emotion and musical knowledge and capability so deserves all.

I was more amazed at the achievement, less musically than conceptually, the guts to follow his dream and the power of it connecting, comming accross, and moving almost everyone. Now I feel I can be honoured to play with his band, and to part-take in subordinate supportive manner. (just kidding a little bit!)

Now it can be my turn to be his little brother and learn from him and follow him around.

To talk about the music is senseless. I can tell you the statistics: length, instrumentation, audience... It was aiming at a sort of organic cyclic pattern of fall and rise, and the "sameness" of the sound changing gradually, but these are also ideas and sound conveys not ideas but sensation and thought that emotions and ideas.

All Wrong

In an effort to find a loud, strong and extravert attitude to the instrument, I knew essentially that the tendency in my usual attitude is to try to make’ more’ sound, and therefore use more energy. It is given that this relationship does exist to some degree, you do need to use more bow and that should require more energy.

But it was obvious (especially in the arpeggio Kreutzer Etude) that my usual approach is not long lasting and in a way unreliable. I could see very clearly the extent to which this extra force was crumpling the body with muscular tension. The movement stops, and so the friction increases, and one runs out. One of course becomes aware only after having stopped: “oh it shouldn’t feel this way!” In other words it doesn’t seem natural.

There is of course a new, more reliable, more real place where this energy could come from. And that place is very hard to describe. It is the same place that enables me to do extraordinary things sometimes, for example to defend myself, or when I get enraged.

I realize today, after seeing the reoccurrence of some of the old miserable relationships with my instrument, that I have been doing something wrong. This is, as you can imagine, sad business. Old pains in the shoulder and neck have come back.

I spent some time worrying, some time remembering my body, and going back to the basics (why have I forgotten? One thinks one surpasses, grows, can move on. No, not of the roots!) of the relationship of the muscular and skeletal systems, and my habitual interference. After quite some time I find a light, natural and forceless relationship. I am amazed at the ease, and alertness of the state, and in a few minutes I realize that it is all gone.

Anyhow, I am convinced of the fact that I can reach the real source of a greater energy that can be put through my instrument. I am convinced because I have had a taste of it here and there, before habit and lack take it away. I also hear it in other people. I have written before about Oistrakh’s playing. I know, and have experienced a few times this past week just that. The freedom of movement and open and released muscles is actually what allows for that inner strength to come up. It is in a way “spiritual” but also very bare to the bones and dry. The awareness of the mechanics is absolute. You are not taken away with the music. You are not dreaming in melancholy and in a feverish haze. The attention is completely alive in flow, completely awake and ready, yet relaxed.

The explanation in words, of this state, might seem like I know how to go there. But I don’t! It requires work and experiment, and dedication here and now.
Also I should add another theory: means are more important important that the ends; the how
more important that the result. Only a theory!

strangely familiar

Today I saw something that was strangely familiar. I realized that the path I've been walking has been the one I did not wish and aim for. It's a matter not of underachievemtn or of failiure, easy to take it as a compliment. Someone said your technique has improved, and I realized that's just it. Not much on the fronts I'd hoped to explore.

I'm not so sure if this suggests following what comes naturally or what is meant to, if onecan say that, rather I wonder if this same path is that of habbit, one which I tend to fall into again and again and again. This time perhaps is a slightly more complete way, taking into account, also my spine.

I realize the value in this realization, better now than in a decade! In any case even this path leads to privilage and beauty of its own way. It is important also to realize that the path of technical/mechanical development is a bit dangerous, for there is the plague of perfectionism.

I realize in a humbing way that I have not used my mind, (of course other than its usual thinking going endlessly), in a way that chalenges it and teaches it, and just like the body its inteligence is refreshing and wonderful.

bye for now.

Sound

Sound as a physical reality, touching
upon ears of our body. The gesture
of musician (shaper
of sound), moving
and molding the air, extending
through voice – and finger-
tip – to release
the vibrations within, shared
through performance (to put in-
to form) in outward space,
for audience to receive and so
be touched.

Gesture of breath and contact
in motion, touch
of wind and finger upon
wood, hair, skin and metal,
gut, ivory and felt,
bodies/objects transformed in their sounding,
as mouth releases, impressing,
the air within
outwards,
and fingers and wrist articulate
from root of spine (and deeper)
the totality of who
we are, that moment resonating
both inward impulse and outward
realizing being
one.

The musician as dancer: one who moves
space, sounding.

-Malcolm Goldstein

ReView

Welcome to 2007. Best wishes! Here is my review. After the review, I hope to follow with a conclusion.
Let me add that in this review a bit of cesorship is needed, so not to mention people's names and very private things in which case I will indicate with [...]. Of course it is very unlikely that any one will read this in its entirety, but I think I should. Here it goes.
P.s. Before starting the review, let me add a line from notes from a file I found in my computer that I had forgotten about:

"After speaking to more people [...] and great help from the Artist’s way exercises, it became clearer that the need for resolution and a final resolution and knowing the right answer and being completely in the awareness is a myth.

این راه را نهایت صورت کجا توان بست؟ کش صد هزار منزل بیش است در بدایت
This is the path of no end, path of discovery of love and music and the experience of creativity and ecstasy of performance. The stage is like a shrine, a beloved.

----
REVIEW:

1- Studies
2- Collaborations and Projects

Studies:

There is of course way too much to learn. Too many people I’d like to study with, and too many courses I’d like to take and too many things. Some of what I wanted to do was as follows. Of course it would have been quite a feat to have achieved all I liked to achieve, realizing that I had to make money as well. So Here is goes:

- Fiddling: This was C’s Suggestion and a great idea to learn to approach the violin from another perspective, to explore a new relationship to the violin.

I had tried getting in touch w/ Anne Lindsey with no success. So the efforts were fruitless until just very recently when I contacted Anne Lederman, another fiddler in town. I’m looking forward to this and I hope I can learn. One of course hopes to have time to practice not to look bad, but that’s not the real reason I’m getting myself into this I hope.

- Classical Violin: Again C was strong in saying that the Classical connection is crucial professionally, that a lot comes from that front. I myself agree that the classical world is not only fascinating in its own way it is so diverse that the study of violin is practically study not of the music stylistically but technically. I’ve been very interested in the mechanical/technical relationship to the instrument.

This has been followed through consistently, at least as far as going to the lessons are involved. I believe I have discovered some new things, relationships and faced old weaknesses. I appreciate that Mark treats me not like a child, and that I can have a say. I often don’t take advantage of opportunities for expressing my opinion. Let us wish for a more consistent and real work on the music. He demands it, that makes a difference.

- Sankaran and South Indian Music: A great master is in town and I like the music. Why not continue with it?

I spoke with professor Sankaran early in September and decided on a bi-weekly lesson, possibly with Avesta. [..., ...] Nevertheless I got to perform with Trichy Sankaran, the mighty musicians’ musician. What follows, is questionable in a way. I’d like to continue, I don’t want to give up and keep changing my decisions, but I’d like to transfer the rhythmic ideas into the melodic instrument, and I know Sankaran is one of they poeple who could help with that. He might even appreciate it more. But I don’t want to give up the Kanjira. I suppose I should speak to him when he's back from India in March.

- Voice and Katherin Duncanson: Again another of C’s suggestions [Hmmm this says something about me, no?]. I had done a singing gig, that’s all. But I’ve wanted to play and sing with my violin in the past. Voice is one of the fundamentals of music. I had actually spoken to her at Peter Chin’s party. I knew she had interdisciplinary things going.

This was good for a bit, but largely due to my collisions with Shirin the process suffered from irregularity. But this wasn’t the only part. Katherine’s practice (ie. What she teaches one on one, is focused mainly and only on mechanics and production, which is very valuable for me, but I didn’t have a musical context for using my voice, so this again seemed purposeless and withered. I know I like to sing. I need to join a choir or start singing some Persian Music.

- Piano: This has been my weak link, I wonder how I will get over it. The piano is a great instrument for the loner. I have always wanted to play the music whole, not just the violin part, I want to learn mote about harmony, about the world that is foreign to me. I also love the piano.

Piano was another of the efforts that withered, partly due to the overwhelming amount of work I created for myself. I actually quite enjoyed the piano, and the attention needed for sight reading. I would have like to play some Beatles and some Philip Glass. But it all withered. Perhaps, partly because of L’s niceness, perhaps too nice, ( do you now see what it is to be just a bit too nice, not to follow through, not to engage with the whole? This attitude reminds me much of myself.) So I have to see, and consider the options: going back to L, starting w/ someone else, doing it on my own.

- Baroque Dance: The beauty of this music and the relationship of the music to dance, a great world to discover.

The summer course was not continued, because of the matters of schedule. I have said that I will sign up for this term.

- Modern Dance: This was Shirin’s suggestion. I was one day very jealous of this friend of ours who was dancing and she said to me: “well go ahead and do it.” (twice a week).

This was a much greater fun and challenge than I had imagined. A world, so interesting and so humbling, that I really really needed it and still do. True, the classes are amazingly important, but the work one does on one’s own, the figuring out of things, the calculation, the associating of the sides, and limbs and then doing it fully or sometimes just trusting the physical intelligence is what really matters: Real needed education for the body. I cannot do a full commitment this term since my schedule has changed. Once a week should still be good, provided that I do go to the contact jams regularly and revisit the ideas, combinations, etc.

- Alexander Technique: This world was to be continued after I discovered it, I’ve known this.

Our bi-weekly pattern seems to work, I’m happy, progress is slow, but if any, I know it’s real. I might consider taking it a step further in the future and study for my teachers’ license.

- Contact Dance: This was not to be forgotten. This is a great practice of dancing improvising, socializing, grounding... Also a place where my three dance performances have been based in.

My involvement with the jam changed after my relationship with Shirin changed. This past few weeks I have started going back and re-discovered the wonder of this world. Keep going, and perhaps get involved in it in a new way, a project.

- Lessons w/ Brian Katz: I had greatly benefited from Brian’s lessons in so so many ways. I wanted to go back. No only for composition, but for a practice of real musicianship. He is a man of great diversity and his practice is well connected to movement.

I don’t know if I want to go back to him again, or not. I really appreciate his musical practice his teaching of the very very basics. I know he looks up on you and then he doesn’t, and that’s a bit weird. But he’s always encouraged me. I should go back to him as a mentor, and show him some of what I’ve been doing. But when and what and how? I think it’s best to speak to him.

- Irene Markov: I had wanted to learn more about the great musical traditions of East Europe and Turkey, especially in singing, and as well on the instrument.

Not now I know, because Shirin is involved there and I don’t want to get in her way. But speaking with her once shouldn’t hurt. Also these are readily available for research. For listening, picking up, appropriating, using. Why don’t I do it?

- George Sawa: Arabic music has also been my passion and I wanted to know more about this world.
I was just overwhelmed with work, so our original correspondence was left unfinished. I must just see what I want and what not. I should choose my courses.

Projects:

Of course I didn’t have that many things set, my plan was to leave town after all, but I was hoping to do the following:

- Collaborate with Tracey Norman (music for Modern dance)
- Start a world music band. A sort of fusion band with some of my own music.
- Composing music for myself.
- Dancing



What I’ve done Since September:

1- “Caligula” Collaborative Improvised Music for theatre.

2- Remounting of “pooed-out: a fooDance improviseDigestion” for reView at York University (Interdiscpilinary – Dance,Theatre,Video,Voice)

3- MurMurMur (Guest violinist for TreMur) one night, one piece of music by singer/songwriter Ariel Brink

4- Music for Contact jam Musician of the month of October.

5- Gig with Vanessa and Andrew Haust: open improv

6- Music for Roger Greenwald (music for poetry)

7- Recording for Babak Divani (kamanche)

8- Performing with Trichy Sankaran for Barak Ben Nathan’s memorial.

8- Concert with Regina’s crew

9- Contact dancing for IsoSpin with Alex Perlman

10- humble appearances at the improve soiree


PROJECTS ON THE GO:

- Working towards a solo recording album for Vanessa’s record label (aiming to finish in the summer) My own compositions and improv…

- Performing with Vanessa (duo performances) open and structured improv

- Collaboration with Tracey Norman (composition for dance performance) /March/April/May

- Another Persian music ensemble (performing next September)

- Recording with Riq for Lily’s Dance piece (End of January)

SECRET PROJECTS ON MY MIND:

[...]

REVIEW IN PROCESS

Reveiw in Process:

I will post all online when ready... Or perhaps I will post as it gets completed. we will see.

.. .. ._ . ... . _.. ... _ _.

1 -I did a bit of recording last night and today and I'm glad I did it. So much escaps my ears when I play, and to capture the sound is a great help, thanks to Thomas Edisson, and Sony MD Recorder. There was one note that was out of tune (not only one of course, but this one was particular because it was at the begining). This note came in a passage twice, and always the second time it was sharper. Upon hearing it the first time, I aimed at playing it correctly the next times, and even thouhg it got better, it was still a bit too sharp, not the same as the first accurance. Now if someone told me that I would never ever believe this.

2 - There is a short video of Keith Jarret on Youtube, check it out if you haven't. After a conversation with Mike, I said to him: "In performance, I would be more than willing to give a lot of attention to dedicate myself to the music, to what is goin on, but I know I wouldn't do it in rehearsal. I would not be willing even to give it all during my practice, I would think this is wrong or something." There are some very interesting facts and observations about practice/performacne/play in FreePlay by Stephen Nachmanovitch. Stephanie where are you? I need my book back.

3- Yes I know, 2 things that have been postponed: the reportcards this is the end of December. I had originally said that this experiment will go on until December, and now it is time to decide. So We WILL BE BACK with more o those stories.

Happy Holidays!

and forward

I've had some more time these few days to practice the violin. I still must review my progress in the past 3 months, that is to say make my own report cards. Perhaps this is a good time of year for this.

But in terms of violin, I've gotten new strings and that makes a difference new strings are clearer and easier to play on. But the important factor is tone and healthy sound. The cat doesn't like this healthy tone and scratches her nails on the closet door, I let her out, and when I'm done she comes back home.

The relationship between the neck and the head and the hold of the violin is absolutely crucial, and more so in playing loud and strong. one must not give in to the slightest inclination to go downward or to press the violin down, and for me there is a habitual tendency in the thoracic vertebrae (upper back) to curve and face down. This is of extreme importance.

True this is much of what I'm interested in, what about sound? is that of secondary importance? Well no. They are of equal importance I think, and equally important is the attitude to work, and the attention and dedication (surrender).

Let us see how much forward I can go today.

and Merry Christmas!

Reminders for the New Year

Why didn't I go to Boston, this from the email I snet to almost everyone:

"Details of why and how might be beyond this email, but I would gladly talk about it if you are interested. But to say in short, money was one of the factors but not all. Basically, I revisited the reasons behind my original decision, my love for Dalcroze, movement, music, idea of moving to a new city, newness and change, musical development, career and reasons of other sorts. I weighed the pros and the cons, I considered the importance and the unimportance of making the decision, I considered my present situation professionally, artistically, creatively, etc. And finally, I decided that it made more sense to stay and build upon the opportunities here. This was not easy, but now that some time has passed (I notified the school over a month ago) I still feel good about my decision. A good sign I hope.

I have been planning for my Fall and Winter, making my own university so to speak, studying with people I'd love to work with, and working on what I think needs work: private lessons, workshops, classes and projects in music, dance and more. I'll be taking on intriguing creative projects as they come my way (so I'm here! I'm interested, you seeking collaborators!), and initiating creative projects myself. I must say I'm very excited about the year ahead. Really! "

1- Do I remember why I stayed in Toronto? Do I remeber my grand aims?

2- Well how is it going? Any forward steps in this direction? Any regrets?

3- What now? What for the new year?

Winter Solstice

Let there be an entry in memory of a dear one, my first violin teacher and a wonderful man, a real human being, and my uncle.

Unfortunately I was not aound him the last 7 years, and what I remember of him is from the memories of childhood and my teens. It is hard to pinpoint why but he was an extra-ordinary man.

It's so unfortunate that I didn't seek when there was a chance, and now, there are only memories, endless memories, and they point to life itself.
Cherrish and don't take it hard.

Bravura Appassionata ConBrio

What more adjectices can one find for what one lacks?

In a way it is extremely important to know by experience what I avoid.

I say to myself why do I need to play loud and passionately? What is the point? And then again what is the point of playing softly and sweetly?

In violin lesson today, I played loudly and very strongly to make Mark happy. It was DeBeriot Concerto. Still louder and stronger than you think, if I was to play like that now, I probably would go 60% of what I did there and that still wasn't the end. I was surprised as he asked for more and more. They say there is much more potential than you can imagine, and I got a taste of it, and good to remember that I have gotten a taste of it here and there.

- - - - - - -

Why do I avoid this particular type of sound/relationship?

1- I avoid it becasue I think it is irrelevant and unnecessary and even wrong. Irrelevant because this particular Roamanticism doesn't fit in the social structure of our time (which is the reason I looked down on the performances last week... why all the drama? why all the emotion?)

2- I avoid it becasue it uses up and involves the parts of my being which have (by accident or conditioning) run away from my personality.

Someone in me says: Don't take me for granted, I can cook up a storm that will swallow you whole. I can fight to last breath when my life is attacked, I will kill and destroy if I must.

I know this, I have been there, I have deffended my life, I have cooked up a storm with music. But I also have given in when it was time to fight, and backed off to deffend my position, and not followed through with many crescendos when I could then just ride on an effortless natural forte just because of hesitation and the idea that aggression is wrong. I've backed off in love and in life and in music often.

As I was comming home I saw a car passing by quickly very quickly. I'm a car myslef that will never go over 60, in the highway up to 80, carefull and safe. Do you ever get the rush when your car is going beyond everyones. I used to be able to run amazingly fast. I wonder if I still can.

re: Pocket concerto: WHY?

I had a few minutes to watch the video. Despite the mistakes I was pleased in a way. I looked good which is always good!!

I was so so surprised to find the LeClair clearer and cleaner ?and with the same percentage of mistakes and recoveries than the Pocket concerto. Why is that

Does that speak to Alexander's principle of unrelaiability of sensory appreciation?
Or is it that I wasn't able to listen to the videos carefully? was the accompaniment a factor? the backing of chords the contrast in tone? Simplicity of LeClair and it's clarity, compared to my piece with it's ups and downs and dynamics...

Anyhow, it is interesting and puzzling. I can't really trust my reaction-judgement and reaction-feeling... one is always biased, and according to Alexander, one needs the help of an "objective method of monitoring".

Pocket Concerto

If I have to explain all it will take a long time.

I was playing two short pieces at a concert an old friend of mine organized through the Vietnamese community. The imposed formality of the procedure, talks, MC, flowers, etc. always seems redundant. I like not to stay in a seperate room, I like to see the audience, I like to talk before the concert with people I know. Then get ready and play. One can say a word or two, one can say to the audience that I'm only me and feel that they also relax a bit.

The purely classical world with it's codes of conduct, concert etiquette, and the facelessness of it and the sometimes blind 19th century Romanicism and virtousity on stage seems unfitting. We pick such big bites of musical literature that are at the edge of one's technical ability, one can hardly listen to the music one is making for the worry of falling apart on stage.

I played the LeClair Sonata, 2 movements only. I had orriginally thought to include the last movement but I decided to cut it out because the worry was not worth it. Who cares, I'll play what I can. So the LeClair went ok.

I had the idea of complete trust of the right arm and to lead with the right arm, then I also wanted to practice presence in a new way. To be aware not of my notes and music and so on but that I'm playing in front of people not to hide the image. in the beginning I had my eyes closed and could feel the eyebrows moving, "oo alsmost out of tune... fine now, ... good, " But then I opened my eyes for a sec and saw the hall and my neck freed up a bit. There were glitches here and there, I held the note two short, I had to compensate, regina (my accompanist) was also doing this adjustment, and it takes a little bit of energy away, and tension is created.

The second piece was the pocket concerto. I had the luxury of having been beaten to awakeness before stepping on stage by Sam, I had said "Oh I'm falling asleep", he punched my back, I looked around a bit and saw more vividly the movement of people, I stepped on stage, with awareness and took a longer bow and looked into the audience, took enought time to adjust the stand and tune and took a few short seconds hearing the sound of silence (my silence, with the noises of some quiet whispers and more) and then played.

.

What I played felt more real and connected and meaningful in a way. I remember one moment of awareness when I stepped a bit further right from the music stand and saw the music and the background of the hall. Anyhow a more engaged expereince and a more fulfilling relationship with the instrument.

My parents were there and my aunt also. They took a video of my playing. I'd like to see how it looked from the camera's eye. True that I'm tired, but I can't recall any sound from my playing to mind. What's that all about?

Being an unaccompanied soloist is a great advantage for you can do adjustments on the moment to make up for you lack of preperation. Instead of a hard passage I can play a simpler thing (it's my music anyway) and just see what happens. Go on a tangent for a few seconds and come back. The music may not be (is not) as multi-faceted and well-constructed as Beethoven and Paganini, but it's real and possible. In a way special for the audience. It involves me and my habitual modesty.

Consistancy

One of the things I wonder about is my inconsistancy. How is it that I'm sometimes in such a good state, with juicy, rich, sensual, and colourful experiences, and some days I don't seem to have the capacity or even possibility of it seems far-fetched. Some days I can play music with presence and abandon, some days only rigidity and force. Some days the expericne of dancing is expanding, some days diminished.

Today was one of of the latter, and yesterday former. [is this sentence correct gramatically? can anyone tell me? does anyone know?]

So Why?
I suppose first I have to ask How?

How is it? It seems the main reason for all this is in the attention, in the duration and breadth of attention.
As you can see I'm not in peace. I ask How and answer with "the reason". This simple back and forth of thinking, leaving thoughts, actions, ideas incomplete and impatiently running around is one of the reasons. It's the experience and reality of being scattered.

You know food and sleep are quite possibly a factor. Usually if I've eaten well and slept just enough, I have a better day. Sometimes it's a matter of emotional state, loneliness, sadness, something happened, somebody didn't do what you required inside,...

-+ -+ -+ -+

Is it correct to say that a performer needs to have some control over this? Great atrists also have bad days, so how do you get a sense of daily grounding? what is there to do? Taichi? Yoga? Morning practice of eartraining? What do you do? you can write a comment if you want.

But again the daily practice needs consistancy. It shouldn't be like: "Oh I'm feeling scattered today. I don't feel like Yoga." well I suppose you don't know you are scattered yet. You just have a feeling, a laziness, you know. Anyhow!

--------

I had a violin lesson today. but i don't feel like writing about it. I have to go practice, Morninig concert tomorrow.

one more time

Aha,

It was snowing outside quite beautifully!

Is it not interesting how the expreience of time's flow is different when you look at the snow falling? is it not different when it rains?

Time to time Time

There was a very interesting discussion about time. I was too involved with inner considerations to contribute, and my judging brain was hard at work. Still there were quite some interesting comments and experiences.

I believe the experience of passage of time is one of the ultimate experiences that one could have. The yogi, it is said, can feel the large cycles of life as undivided elapses of time. I can at most feel 10 seconds go by without subdividing, I think so at least. I guess that means the Yogi can look at himself in the mirror and see his face aging, or the flower blooming.

One of the questions was regarding the natural speeding up of tempo in class, when playing music and dancing, "I wonder why the metronome always slows down!" some one said with humour.

My experience of time can be very vivid, sometimes it is as if it is flowing through a different medium, it seems more viscous I can see more and hear more and touch more and just experience its passage and the continuous change of all things.
Other times I look and see it is the end of the day and I have no idea when and how my day has passed. I wonder if it is possible in the quantum mechanics to relate the nature of time's passage to attention. A certain kind of awareness seems to change time's nature. The medium that it is made of, the intensity of ether... do these make any sense at all?

I practiced Kanjira (south Indian frame drum) with the metronome. [1-South Indian tradition has to be the most complete and in depth analysis and experience of musical time.-check out Dasa Pranas! Perhaps I should write about it. /2-How do I know the metronome is actually correct?] Until my attention thinned out and I got interested in the mere mechanics and capability of playing, I had a sense of time's passage in the grid of the metronome, how accurately can I play? How can I tell that a certain beat was longer than the other? what system in me gives me a sense of this? I know that if I'm attentive and relaxed I can feel this and keep good time. but also Daclroze's discovery is of importance, I can keep amazingly good time for quite a long duration without much awareness when I'm walking or running, without even experiencing it's passage. I ran outside this afternoon almost just for that...

Also another idea that was brought up was our sense of duration and its relation to surface activity. That is, how filled with stuff it is. One example of it is how a busy day feels shorter than a boring day, another is the rushing of 16th notes in music, it's almost inevitable, almost everyone does it. Then other people talked about rushing in a more general sense. hurry from the outside but not from the inside.

T i m e t o g o .

New Ends

I've been invited to join an ensmble for touring, I've said yes, and I realize how immature this move was after talking with my teacher/friend Casey. I have not found out enough about the gig and the money and the job, and what exactly it entails, no contract, nothing. I was excited not really by the musical opportunity but by the opportunity to perform and to tour and perform and perform and perform and play. (and tour and see if this is something I really want to do).

Also we had our first little snow today. Cool! and as a welcome note I have taken in some of the cold weather and I only now realize my immature reaction. I'm just excited.

relax man!
it's your life that's all.